Saturday, May 17, 2014

Flotsam Feelings Part 1

Flotsam:  Part of the wreckage of a ship, or its cargo, material found floating on the water, useless or unimportant stuff.

Welcome to my flotsam week.  God has really been teaching me some things about what is floating around in my life.  It has been building up for a while.  It seems like that is how it works. Every so often I go through a season of doubting, stress and fear until God sits me down and straigthens me out.  Thursday was just such a day.  It came on the heals of an amazing week in Haiti, which surprised me, but I was also physically and emotionally weary and weak from all that had been happening.  That makes us extra vulnerable.

I had returned to familiar feelings of wondering what I was doing wrong that makes it so hard for me to get traction with my "work."  Why am I not able to generate income from the work I know God has called me to do?  Unexpected medical bills, buying a different car and a trip to Haiti put us into a cash flow problem that exacerbated my frustration.  I'm a failure...Nobody values what I bring to the table...What do I think I'm trying to do?  You know the voices that run around and around in your head sometimes...right?

At least I knew enough to take my Bible and devotional book, sit in a chair and try to get quiet on the inside. (Mini retreat time)  I got to Day 271 in Richard Rohr's book, Radical Grace: Daily Meditations, and God showed me the flotsam.

Rohr writes, "What we are doing in prayer is not creating success; we're waiting upon the Lord.  We're tuning into the stream of life and waiting to let that stream unburden itself of distractions and baggage." How can we hear the voice of God when our stream is filled with garbage? Rohr continues, "If you don't keep jumping on those (sinking) ships that cross our minds during prayer, if you don't overidentify with the flotsam (of your own opinions and feelings) bobbing down the stream, they stop returning."

Rohr admits that we have to stick to it.  The first time we stop jumping on the "flotsam" it will come back again and again, saying, "Maybe you didn't see me the first time.  Here I am."  The flotsam will try to rob you of your morning, your energy, your joy, as you fret about what you have jumped on again.  But, Rohr says, "This time you look at it and say, 'I don't need you.  Float on by.'"

He encourages us to see what is floating through, name it and feel it, but let it float by.  Refuse to let it lure you into the "flotsam!"

Remember, if this has been stuff that you have been dealing with for years it won't give up easily. It will keep showing up in your prayer times and worrying for a while.  We can't keep feeding it!

So here is another water image for you to work with...close you eyes and picture your river of life. Are you standing on the bank, or are you sitting in the middle of the stream in a canoe or row boat?  As you watch the river flow by what do you see floating on the water?  Is there "stuff" that needs to be rejected and ignored?  We are probably tempted to try and catch it, clean it up, but Rohr would tell us to let it go, float on by.  Don't give it power over you.  See it, name it, let it go.

In your prayer time, in your day dreaming, listen for the voice of the Spirit, ignore the flotsam!

Phil:4:4-7  Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanlsgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Part 2 coming soon.




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